It's midnight and your phone goes off. Moments after you unlock your phone, you're frozen. Simply still, and absorbing the moment. It's your EX.....
Are we excited? Are we pained? Are we embarrassed? What energy is happening? For many this portion of their lives brings on a fun anxiety. It re activates the "Chase" stage suddenly. Our actions in this moment is crucial to our development in love. No one can control the energy we deliver but us, so we must be steadfast, and strong.
Let's digress for a minute. The opinions on this matter have such a variety. Some people can speak with an ex lover with no issues or problems. Some yearn to speak with an ex for potential reconciliation, and others are over the situation and will opt never to communicate with their past again.
When love crumbles, we often feel it's our job to pick the pieces of the failed relationship up; meaning the other persons flaws or wrongdoings. It is in fact our job to pick the pieces of ourselves up and build from that.
So why do we get tempted or enjoy speaking to our past? Comfort. Everyone is scared of the unknown, no one likes to start over or be challenged with self discovery. Speaking candidly to an ex gives us assurance and security in that love. With them we are not bare, we are not pure. We are flawed, and they know this already.
While it all seems fine, and we all play the role of "Friends" with our former loves, this can be very dangerous and hazardous to a healthy love life. It can prevent you from seeing new, fresh love for what it really is. It will stunt the growth in you.
Now please, don't misunderstand, many of us are mature enough to draw the line. That's amazing if you have grasped that concept. Others need a little help. If you struggle with your emotions while communicating with an ex, chances are you have not healed and can't properly move forward until you create a balance. Notice I said balance and not get over them. Some of us never get over certain loves, but we learn to push through that energy in a healthy way. Here are some tips to prevent you from backtracking or remaining in pain when speaking to an ex:
Backtrack Prevention Methods
1. Remember time stops for no one. We have to
accept we are losing time by living in the past.
Have a desire to replace that love with greater
2. Don't allow them to control your energy
with theirs. Be firm, not argumentative, but
3. Stop discussing why the relationship has
4. Get creatively busy. Use your gifts to fuel you
and distance yourself from them. This also
means not being so available.
5. Forgive them and forgive yourself.
Mean more to yourself than a walk down memory lane. Speaking from experience and dealing with strong manipulators, the communication will only lead to potential depression.
If you don't have the emotional intelligence to handle a conversation with an ex, minimizing them would be best. Have a passion to grown stronger, not content.