Dysfunctional Relationships: Is it Learned Behavior?
Monkey see, Monkey do….
Does that apply to love? Many would argue we are individuals. Sane minded people, with full capabilities of making sound and conscious choices. What if this wasn’t always the case. What if our mental blocks, and inabilities to prosper in relationships stemmed from our ancestorial genes.
Think about it… you go visit a Doctor; what is the first thing they want from you? Family History. I mean they want to know if your Granny’s, Brothers, Uncles, Cousin was diagnosed with XYZ. Logically it makes sense. Genes are strong. In genealogy, certain things are destined to reoccur; like the twins’ gene. What if this applied to how we love, and our overall outlook on love? In current day society, ownership in love is very faint. We tend to blame everyone but ourselves. This is why it’s important to understand your makeup. Watching abusive or destructive relationships can surely have an effect on any human being. Something happens to your spirit. If certain behavior is consistent, it becomes a “New Normal”. This is where the dangerous storm is created. Falling victim to normalcy is detrimental to growth.
So how can you identify if you’ve inherited a toxic love trait from a previous generation? Easy. Observe, and Identify. If your toxic encounters are mimicking your Parents, or favorite Auntie and Uncle, ask yourself, is this direct or indirect? Now of course, we all experience similar things in love, be it great or despicable,we all know those “Things” that are too close to home. You live in it for so long, and stop wanting to acknowledge the similarities. Then what happens…. It becomes too late and we are doing the “I want to be better than that” act. This is after years of living in that misery or destructive and equivalent behavior. Sometimes we are so young, that putting that much thought into it is farfetched. We just want to feel the good emotion and energy. Eventually, we have to do the work, and find out the root of these issues. Obviously the start of everything is acceptance. Don’t be ashamed that dysfunction exists in your bloodline. IT IS OK. The beauty in this is, you can fight against this inheritance just like a health inheritance. In a recent article on www.domesticviolenceroundtable.org, studies show that 3-4 million children (Ages 3-17) have witnessed or been apart of some sort of violence. The article goes to explain, most children exposed, develop a deep trauma and stigmas for either parenting or relationships.
We have to break the chains, and end the cycles. No one can grant this freedom but ourselves.
Abide by the 4 A's:
1. Accept-Your potential dysfunction
2. Address-The root from which it has derived
3. Abolish -The insanity of allowing history to repeat itself. Be better.
4. Acquire- A new taste of love and life. Allow uncomfortable waves to diminish, and let the strong current of fresh evolution to take over.
All things of inheritance are not etched in stoned. While they can be deeply rooted, they can also be changed.