Deactivating Eskridge-The Series! Prt:1
By Brittney Baker
"This is why we need a divorce; You aren't ready to be a Husband. My type of love you don't want or understand, just leave me, divorce me."
For 6 years, I uttered that same statement during heated exchanges. Even as an unmarried couple, I begged him to leave when his actions proved he wanted something else. I must say, this was the biggest mistake in my quest for love. See, I was under the impression that by telling him to leave, I would be freeing him. Giving him the ability to seek what he yearned, without my love swarming him like a bee looking for sweet honey. Those words caused more than chaos. Those words caused the weak spot, that eventually caved my marriage! Please don't get it twisted.. several things caused our demise; including many faults of his own, but MY WORDS were surely at the forefront.
Like the average woman, I married because I was in love. I married because I felt joy, I married because being a wife was considered a badge of honor to me. I enjoyed being a wife and I put every inch of my heart and soul into "loving" my husband with an unwavering, intense, deep, love. I took pride in the in how deep my love was, and often measured my very.."mature" way of loving, to his "immature" love language. This led to many arguments, and it also left me feeling like I was alone in this "deep, mature" marriage. Sometimes our words in arguments can hurt, and that's ok.. But it's the repeat offenses seem to be the thorns that cut and bruise so deep...sometimes beyond healing. My words had become...LETHAL!
My soon to be Ex Husband was very capable of taking my blows. I took his high tolerance for insults as a form of disrespect. (How dare he not be affected by my words?) He would always listen, get annoyed and then repeatedly say, "I still want this to work though, Brittney." Baffled me every time.. I knew I was hurting him, especially since I was hurting myself.. Dealing with your own pain is hard, especially when you don't understand why you are in pain to begin with. I didn't like who I had become inside my marriage, and I needed to express that, outwardly. My words painted that picture so vividly, but my actions said otherwise..
As I reflect today, I'm not placing all the blame on myself, I'm merely acknowledging my role in the demise. Take note: Every communication opportunity should be treated with care, because sometimes our energy can set the tone for evil to happen with our words. Be responsible with your tongues!
However, the first step in moving forwarding for me, is accepting my role in it all and learning to chose my words more wisely.
Wives....don't wound your husbands with your brass tongues.. you wont always be able to go back and lick the wounds.. He may move on and heal the wounds you seared into his soul, on his own..
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