LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS: Are You Ready For Your Helpmate?
HOW TO DISCOVER WHEN YOU'RE READY FOR A NEW RELATIONSHIP
In the beginning, dating was the solution to a void I felt. I ramped up quickly, making myself so excited about the future with new love. Who wouldn’t be right? We all enjoy fresh, new, fun things right? What I’ve learned in being a newly single person is:
No one will ever understand your past
Always have strong visions of love, but your expectations need to be limited until commitment is solid
Flourish in courtship
Dating in 2016 is so challenging. Unfortunately the women of my generation have set tones and levels of tolerance that are just unhealthy. Don’t get me wrong, I did lots of tolerating and accepting; however, I was a Wife, and felt I had certain obligations in that role. When you are dating we have to evaluate what we are displaying for our potential mates. We are so quick to express all of our “No’s” and underestimate the power of that. I’m not talking verbally, I’m talking mentally. How many of you have said, “I want a mate who won’t do XYZ” and end up with someone who does that exact thing? It all starts with the heart and mind connecting and coming to a consensus; instead of crossing people off the list because of specific characteristics. I began to ask myself, “How were they able to get through to you?” Sounds weird, right? When you're dating, you expect to be carefree and just enjoy whomever you have a strong chemistry with, right? Wrong! Chemistry isn’t always about good connecting; it’s also a source of self-reflection. Take those reflection moments and utilize them.
I met this guy via a dating site. He was very intriguing in our messages. Asked all the right questions, and showed me some good characteristics I desired. Eventually, I decided to start asking the “Hard” questions to evaluate his current situation, and see if we would be a good fit. Those layers began to unpeel and I discovered so much about him I just didn’t agree with (Like his need for a monthly allowance, LOL) Of course you immediately want to block, delete, and forget the encounter ever happened; but I wanted to dig deeper. I needed to understand what I displayed to make him comfortable with thinking that could be an option. Everyone won’t take the time out to do this, but it’s crucial in your development and will potentially keep you single longer, but safer in the grand scheme of things. I expressed my concern, instead of ignoring it, I addressed it. He was actually shocked that I even presented the question. Through the grace of God, he answered honestly. “ Your soft spoken nature, and tactful ways gave me the broken vibe, and typically broken women will adjust and rise to the occasion for the sake of love.” “OH MY POOR GENERATION”, I cried out loud. Jesus, fix it! LOL. Tell me that wasn’t a jewel he dropped? I’ve heard it so many times, men can smell a broken woman a mile away; never believed it. We continued to pick each others brain, and I explained why that happens, and how he just helped me tremendously.
Dating has to be when you are clear on your desires. When you aren’t on a quest. I never thought I would say this, but you can’t look. Your helpmate has to be sent. It’s just the way God works.
So my advice for the newly single woman is the following:
Explore your “No’s and have solid logic behind them
Realize you can’t make yourself miserable; invest in finding your happy
Accept that your Helpmate is out there; hidden like Waldo, but out there LOL
Date your mind (So cliché, but true.)
I have not given up on dating, just know I had some more work to do before I can start receiving what I was putting out. Next week I’ll explore some options to get over sexual cravings, boredom and anxiety as a single person.
Until next time…..
Brittney 'Genuine Gemini' Baker
Did any of the advice #GenuineGemini offered resonate with you? Have you ever encountered any ridiculously-audacious men/women In the dating world? Got a story to tell?? Sound off in the comments, or email us at firstname.lastname@example.org! Oh, and don't forget to subscribe to the blog & like us on social media below! Thanks!